The most embarrassing night of my life

The waitress leaned over to my wife and whispered, "Is that one a guy too, or is that a real girl?" – pointing directly at me.

I was sitting there in a straw boater hat, with long flowing hair and beautifully painted nails, trying to figure out whether when the time came to go to the toilet, I should head to a cubicle or front it out at the urinals.

This was New Year's Eve at TGI Fridays, and I was having the most embarrassing night of my life.

But let me back up and explain how I got into this situation...

Many years ago, one of my wife's friends – let's call her Emma (because that's her name) – suggested that a group of us spend New Year's Eve at TGI Fridays.

Emma rang and made the booking, then told us excitedly that there was a fancy dress theme for the night: schoolboys and schoolgirls.

So me, my wife, and our friends all decided to dress up.

And being the creative types we were, we decided that the four guys would go as schoolgirls and the women would go as schoolboys (think Jimmy Krankie).

I went all out for the posh St Trinian's schoolgirl look – complete with that straw boater, long flowing hair, and those beautifully painted nails. Plus I was clean-shaven back then, so the transformation was... convincing.

But when we arrived at TGI Fridays and walked through the door, we quickly realised that Emma had got the wrong end of the stick.

The staff were in fancy dress.

But the customers most definitely were not.

So there we were – four grown men in schoolgirl outfits and four women dressed as schoolboys – walking through a restaurant full of people in normal New Year's Eve attire.

The looks we got as we followed the waitress to our table were... memorable.

My mates had got outfits that made it obvious they were guys dressed up. But I'd gone for authenticity, which led to that awkward conversation between the waitress and my wife.

And when the inevitable moment came and I actually had to go to the toilet?

Well, I decided to brazen it out at the urinals with my skirt hitched up around my waist.

Got some very odd looks.

(This was the early 2000s, and attitudes to these things were quite different back then!)

That night taught me a valuable lesson about blindly following someone else's "helpful" recommendations – a lesson that could save you a lot of money the next time you set up a Google Ads or Facebook Ads campaign.

You see, just like Emma gave us completely wrong guidance about the dress code, both Google and Facebook give you wrong guidance when they offer you their "helpful" campaign recommendations.

But here's the crucial difference – Emma made an innocent mistake, whereas Google and Facebook do it deliberately to increase your ad spend.

Here are the most dangerous recommendations to avoid:

Google Ads red flags:

• "Expand your reach" by adding more keywords (this usually means adding irrelevant terms)

• "Try broad match" keywords (you'll pay for clicks from people searching for completely unrelated things)

• "Add the Display Network" to search campaigns (your ads will appear on random websites instead of search results)

• Any suggestion to increase your budget without first improving your targeting

Facebook Ads red flags:

• "Use automatic placements" (your ads might show in Instagram Stories when your audience is on Facebook)

• "Expand your audience" suggestions (Facebook will show your ads to people who aren't interested)

• "Try lookalike audiences" based on website visitors (if those visitors didn't buy anything, you're just finding more non-buyers)

What to do instead:

Start narrow and specific. Use exact match keywords on Google, and create detailed custom audiences on Facebook based on your actual customers, not just website visitors.

Only expand your targeting after you've proven what works with a smaller, more focused audience first.

And always remember – when the platforms push you to spend more or reach more people, they're prioritising their revenue, not your results.

Just like trusting Emma's dress code advice led to an embarrassing evening, trusting these default recommendations will leave you red-faced when you see how much money you've wasted on the wrong clicks.

All the best,
David.

PS – Next time you see those "helpful" recommendations pop up in your ad accounts, just remember my TGI Fridays experience. Sometimes the most confident advice from a seemingly reliable source can lead to the most embarrassing results!